Hills and Mountains

Þiu͓͆ fïŋ͓̱̄ yo̽kȋ͓pā tîaŋ̑fin̄,
påît̑ nö̑yuï͓̯̑ ri͆ fïŋ͓̄ niz̑ ħüṉ̽.
Pėz͆wiîẕ͆, wō “ħė̑kȋ͓ŋïn̽” sū,
an̄di͓̪͆ ŝėt̄sem̱͆, u̽lādö̽.

The sun sets

 Right now I just want to touch the stars
Go to Sai Kung tonight and see?

Birds are chirping
One gliding onto the sprise tree
A plane is flying

People are gossiping
Gathering for a made-up game

There is a rainbow
In the descending water
I wonder when I can see a bigger one

The pulsing rhythm is resonating

And then I say, I want to touch the stars
Relish in darkness
Glittered by light specks

We see the brightest star
Light 8.6 years ago
Before me is instantaneous light
Yet images of age flash in my mind

Rubbish
Rubbish I deem myself
Things I'm not here for
Keep arising

Insignificant.
I see.
The insatiable craving of excellence.
Of greatness.

Paradoxical?
I know I know nothing.
Or do I know I know nothing?
I want to know everything.
But there's always something ahead.

Insignificant.
Triviality and immensity.
I've heard you could stop time at whatever dimension.
To fulfil every wish?

Speciality.
Anticipation.
Expectation.
Disappointment.
Disappointment it is to myself.

People admire?
Admiration.
Discrepancy.
Paranoia.
Disappointment.

Discouragement!
Who is it that I am?
Am I the things I do,
or am I myself?

Musings.
Both it is.
Or neither.
Either.

Patronising?
Aloofness?
Envy.
Paranoia.

What's behind me?
People wish not to get hurt.
But then they want to know.
And then they get hurt.

"I know nothing."
I wished to know what I didn't know.
I did know, actually, but not in proximity.
And revelation!

Getting to the grand
Rising to the top
Hindered by ephemerality
Then where the hell am I?

The shy sun runs behind the hill.

2am

2am. Eoulapa,who still had not showered, inundated his chat with Aufisü with what he deemed "nonsensical":

 

1. Today I unleashed bullshit on the Chinese writing exam

2. I picked the first prompt

3. Spit nonsense

4. And then I was like "I shouldn't feel like this on the podium, I shouldn't have been arrogant, I shouldn't have bantered Yat Sum"

5. And then I blamed the education elitism I was like "everybody goes to tutor class and that stifles the efforts of the less advantaged"

 

6. Suguru Geto is the antagonist of Jujutsu Kaisen

7. He said he would purge humanity because people inept at sorcery were monkeys

8. But fortunately I'm not Geto because I know there are people out there who are way smarter and to my own advantage I must accommodate those "weaker/more stupid" than me

9. However we must coin stupidity

10. Because a low IQ in my eyes does not imply stupidity
11. I think stupidity for me is to ignore
12. Like to blatantly think you're the best, be rigid as fuck, be ignorant, be dogmatic
13. I think it's stupid because it doesn't do you any good to be dogmatic or persistent
14. And it imperils society as well which is a shame because people are somewhat inconsiderate I feel
15. Is inconsiderateness stupidity then?
16. Depends on what the effects are
17. It might contribute to oneself but not necessarily society
18. Like if I neglect racism towards black people as a white man, it helps me to some extent
19. But it doesn't contribute to human society
20. So is that stupid
21. I cannot decide right now
22. So I would stick to for now this [referring to line 12]

 

23. I think the difference between me and the people I despise, is that I know I'm an arrogant prick but they don't
24. But that might be arrogance in itself
25. So I don't know
26. Therefore humility is the best
27. Because I'm not arrogant or proud or condescending or whatever because of my capabilities
28. If I was humble that is
 

29. But I really like to dominate everyone
30. But there is a conflict because I know I cannot dominate everyone

31. Being human is very tough
32. There are many insecurities and paradoxes and things humans can never know
33. Things that are outside our comprehension
34. Which is a lamentable fact
35. Because for me I want to know everything and be the best at my niche
36. But that is not probable is it
37. There is a song
38. Called Deep Indigo
39. There is a line that read 人生はどうにも妥協で出来てる
40. Which means life is made of nothing but compromises
41. If my IQ were 160 I might feel better right now
42. But I wouldn't be studying in this shit school
43. Nor would I be wasting time on this long hair gibberish nonsense piece of crap
44. Maybe my IQ is 100 or 130 or 150 or 140 or 120 or 126 or 135 or 142 or 146 or 152 or 110 or 116
45. I might therefore live a mediocre life or the life of a CEO or a manager or a scientist a professor a medic a doctor a surgeon an assistant at a university
46. However there will also be things I miss
47. Which is a shame because I am who I am and I probably only live once
 

48. AND FUCK DOGMATISM
49. Anyway

50. So 人生はどうにも妥協で出来てる
51. And that is a beautiful despair of human life
52. Listen I wish I could get to the point where I revel in the fact that life is not perfect
53. So I appreciate life and other people's lives
54. But how do I weigh the ramifications of not refining life against making other people live free of dogmatism
55. The truth is there might not be a correct answer
 

56. So is the beauty of life in that it is vague and arbitrary, that it ought to be explored, that new paths can be carved, that lives are unique, and the despairing yet aesthetic truth that one only gets to live once, one can merely treasure one's life, and one is afflicted by the fact that one is not another?

Stars

Eoulapa: "I have never seen this many stars before."

Aufisü: "Neither have I."

The two lay flat on the football pitch, staring at the sky.

Eoulapa: "Now that the stadium lights are off, the light pollution have finally eased... How many stars are there, like 20? I've only seen at most 3 or 4 before."

Aufisü: "Indeed. The world is beautiful isn't it? An hour after and our hearts will be resonating with the booms of fireworks. New year... I know you've got profound reflections on this stuff, no?"

Eoulapa: "When the world jumps together in jubilation, when people hug and when parents tell their children about fireworks, when friends say 'Happy new year' and when we hold our phones high to film the fireworks, we don't remember who we are. We are, of course, an infinitesimal species on an infinitesimal dust in space, but think about where we've been. The moon, we've sent satellites to Mars, we've left our mark on a spaceship roaming in space... I think that's good enough."

Aufisü: "And how d'you feel here, with us?"

Eoulapa: "Proud, melancholic, confused. Confused mostly. I mean, yes we are small, we're not prodigious scientists, neither are we world-renowned politicians. But we're friends, and we're here. At this exact moment. What are the odds? We're nothing special, but we are very special. How many times do you get to celebrate the earth finishing one orbit around its star? With friends as well... Friends that have expiry dates - friends that one day will leave. Out of the 100 years of life. How ephemeral. But we don't care. Humans live on and celebrate. Isn't that, to an extent, prevailing over the cruelty of life? Doesn't matter if it's out of negligence or ignorance. I guess living is already a profound gift."

The two stayed silent. Eoulapa took photos of the stars with his phone.

~Written 1/1/24 02:22 at home.